New PH words are candidates for Oxford dictionary

For the first time ever, the folks at Oxford English Dictionary allowed a layman (yours truly) to look at how they determine new additions to the English lexicon.

While visiting the UK I was introduced to OED’s chief lexicographer, Sir Knute Toomey who leads a global research team that meticulously searches for emerging new words and expressions that should belong in the distinguished Oxford dictionary.

Sir Knute told me he has been immersing himself in Philippine social media. “We are looking at terms used by Filipino netizens that might make it to the OED this year,” he said, peering from his thick glasses. “Your country, my friend, is such a lexical gold mine there’s no word to describe it, just no word.”

We should be proud, my dear compatriots, that we just might contribute significantly to the development of the most powerful language in history. Hopefully, the OED will judge some of our words worthy of appearing between its covers, to join the ranks of such illustrious additions as “weaponize,” “gaslight,” “woke,” and “asswipe.”

Here are the candidate words and terms from the Philippines, according to Sir Knute Toomey; and, surprise (!), they’re not the usual suspects like “dutertard,” “lodi,” “werpa” or “petmalu”:

Inday Sara Duterte

sarandipity – a startling, unpleasant development in which the Speaker of the House learns that the president’s daughter also thinks he’s an imbecile

indaygestion – what an imbecile suffers as a result of sarandipity

House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez.

alvarice – greed for power so intense it even makes a House Speaker think he can mess with the president’s daughter, or abolish the United Nations 

Persidal –  a brand of placebo from Acosta Laboratories self-promoted as an antidote to the Dengvaxia vaccine; WARNING: side effects may include dramatic swooning and OA display of lab coat and stethoscope

roque-bottom – the depth to which a presidential spokesperson would sink just to gaslight the press corps; see also roquettish: when a spokesperson makes “beautiful eyes” at camera while sinking

Venus envy – an overcompensating male president’s tendency to joke about a woman’s private part because his is too small

xi-no-evil – strange refusal to criticize China’s encroachments on Philippine territory

Digong – a new province of China 

Digong hei fat choy – Greeting that will soon replace “Mabuhay”

Justice Secretary Vitaliano “Wiggy” Aguirre

aguirression – the act of weaponizing a government position against political enemies and woke critics

talkhang – verbal vigilantism used by aguirressors who maliciously drop a political enemy’s name in discussing a scandal; slang form: “getting wiggy”

umalice – what drips from the Chairman of the House justice committee that’s purportedly investigating the basis to impeach the Chief Justice but has actually decided she must be removed; see also serenotomy

serenotomy – a surgical procedure by the House of Representatives to excise a lobe of judicial independence in the Supreme Court

qui boloy – Latin for “What’s in your private jet, Pastor?”

 quo warrantothree – fraudulent legal maneuver often used in aid of aguirression and proposed as a “kinder” alternative to serenotomy; a variant of “1-2-3”

Supercalidafragilistic – adjective describing the act of warrantothree taken to an expialidocious extreme by the solicitor general

Lawsuit aficionado Larry Gadon

gadon – evidence of priapic excitement from filing poorly conceived lawsuits and motions that go nowhere; usage, e.g.: “Filing the petition in the Supreme Court gave him so much pleasure he had a gadon”; not related to Benham Rise.

Unfortunately, Sir Knute Toomey became irritated when I told him he was probably wasting his time, because the words in consideration are useful only in the Philippines and may not have universal value. And by the way, Sir Knute, what’s “priapic”?

Many hours with Philippine social media trolls must’ve affected Sir Knute’s brain because he glared at me and growled, “WTF! look it up in the dictionary, asswipe.”