First comes love, then comes introducing your partner to your big Filipino family

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

A lot of people say finding the right match is the most difficult part of romance, but right next to it is introducing your right match to the rest of your family. Especially if you’re coming from a gigantic, loud Filipino family. And especially if your significant other isn’t also from a gigantic, loud Filipino family.

For the Filipino diaspora, your extended family is your immediate community. And to most Filipinos, community is a big thing. Moving from the motherland to unfamiliar territory, we’re all compelled to hold on to what’s familiar—and what could be more familiar than family? 

A Filipino family is built a little differently, though. 

The truth of the matter is that they can get a little in your face about every little thing—especially your romantic life. For single family members over the age of 25, the constant question is “Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” on repeat at every family gathering until you finally introduce them to someone. 

Then, the question becomes “Are they good enough for you?”

Most of your family’s concerns are coming from a good place—most of the time. But navigating the minefield of opinionated and highly interested family members can take a toll on your relationship—especially if they’re not used to the Filipino family dynamic.

While I’ve yet to introduce my family to any significant other (coaches don’t play, guys), I have seen many, many cousins and siblings go through the Filipino family ringer. 

If you’re planning on introducing your significant other to your big, crazy Filipino family anytime soon (especially if they’re not Filipino), here are some tips that can help you strategize the best way of going about things. 

Start with manners

Having good, Filipino-style manners is the quickest way to an elder’s heart. Usually, your titas and titos are the hardest to impress, but teaching your significant other basic manners like mano, beso, and greeting everyone the minute they step into the function is a good foundation for a happy relationship with everyone.

Teach your significant other about the quirks of your Filipino family | Photo by Thanh Tran on Unsplash

Aside from greetings, teach them about your family’s specific quirks; like if they’re the type to be offended if people say no to more food, or if they’re the type to require everyone to sing karaoke at the party. 

Keep in mind that this should happen long before any actual introductions are made. 

Introduce them to everyone—from a distance

Briefing your significant other about your family is of the utmost importance. It should go a little like this: Start with your immediate family (and the type of relationship you have with them, if it hasn’t come up already), then branch out to your extended family. 

Aside from names and how they’re related to you, you should also clue them in on the things they have in common (and the things that might cause some friction in the future). For example, your Tita Baby is the aunt closest to you, but she breaks down in tears whenever someone mentions her deceased husband, your Tito Boy. 

Your significant other might unintentionally bring up these past hurts by asking innocent questions, so a full-on family briefing session is in order before they actually meet your family. 

Make introductory introductions

It’s best to introduce them to a few people you’re close to and trust deeply | Photo by Samuel Chan on Unsplash

Even with you by their side, your significant other might feel a little daunted by the sheer amount of people they don’t know at the function. Before any big family gathering, it’s best to introduce them to a few people you’re close to and trust deeply—like your closest cousin or a sibling they can lean on if you’re otherwise occupied. 

Having friends in the family will help the assimilation process go smoothly. And at least you’ll have a partner in crime to help answer (or potentially field) any questions. 

Do not leave them alone

Odds are, when you introduce your significant other to your family at a gathering, they’re going to become the main character. And everyone is going to have questions for the both of you. Some of your family members are going to want to corner them by themselves (probably your titos and your older male cousins or your titas who are a little too invested in your lovelife), but you do not want that to happen. 

To your significant other, meeting your entire family can be a very overwhelming experience and leaving them alone can make them feel a little helpless. If you can’t stick by their side the whole time, you could ask some of the people you’ve already introduced them to to keep a watchful eye on them. 

Ask them about the experience and take it from there

While it’s ideal that your family falls in love with your significant other and vice versa, that may not always be the case. Your significant other might feel a little too overwhelmed by everyone and might not want to say anything out of fear of offending you, but it’s your duty as their partner to ask about the experience. 

If the love between your partner and your family goes both ways, that’s great and you can start planning for the next party. But on the off chance that it doesn’t go both ways, you can have a serious discussion on boundaries and how to go about these gatherings.