Here’s how to survive a family party in the Philippines
These parties are fun, but they can also be stressful and awkward for Filipinos who grew up abroad | Illustration by Clarisse Alfonso
For first-generation Filipino immigrants, parties back home can be overwhelming. Screaming children, titas and titos singing karaoke, and everyone telling you to eat more while piling your plate higher than the sky are common scenes during these events.
Another thing I’ve noticed during these parties is just how alienating they can be to balikbayans—especially the younger generation. Even those who can speak the language can feel lost amid all the clamor of a big family party.
When the drinks come out during Filipino parties, you know it’s serious business
While I was born, raised, and lived in the Philippines my entire life, I have close relatives who have left for “greener pastures.” When they come home, I usually notice my younger cousins from the United States struggle to genuinely bond with the rest of the family.
At several points during these gatherings, I had to rescue my cousins from very awkward (and sometimes fully offensive) conversations with our extended family.
Here are a few tips and tricks I’ve learned that can help you survive your big, loud, beautiful Filipino family gathering in one piece.
Greet everyone immediately—but make it fast
The faster you say hello to all the titas, titos, and cousins, the better. Greeting them as soon as you arrive is a sign of respect that the older generation of Filipinos expect. If you want the evening to go as painlessly (and quickly) as possible, try to greet them one after the other.
You might have older family members who get sick easily, so this might be the preferred greeting instead of a mano or beso
The trick here is to smile jovially and beso or mano the entire family before they can even get a sentence other than “kain na” out. This ensures that you’re seen by everyone, and doing it quickly can save you from otherwise unsavory comments that might come out.
Find a (local) buddy
If you’re from a Filipino family, odds are that you have several cousins of varying closeness at the party. After greeting the entire brood, find the cousin closest to you and stick by them for the rest of the evening.
Your buddy is your lifeline. Make sure to stay with your buddy at all times
Even better if they’re born and raised in the Philippines so they can translate or fill in some gaps left by the cultural barrier.
Stay on the lookout
A Filipino family isn’t a Filipino family without drama. There are always specific characters in the family that everyone doesn’t quite agree with. It can be the tita who asks when you’re getting married, the tito who always tells you you’re getting fat, or the older cousin who won’t take no for an answer when the drinks start pouring.
Keep an eye out for these specific characters and do your best to never be in the room as them. Others may call it avoiding, but for some, it’s their best bet at a peaceful family gathering.
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At Filipino parties, give everything a try
Lumpia, pancit, and barbecue may be party staples abroad, but Pinoy parties in the Philippines go beyond that. Odds are, your family spent hours putting the work in to cook a huge meal to feed everyone. So the best way to express your gratitude is to try everything.
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Some of the food may seem odd or smell funky, but food is a big deal in our culture. Seeing you enjoy the food is likely enough, thanks to the person who made it, so please, please don’t turn your nose up at what’s served. And please, please give everything a try.
Keep an open heart
Family parties in the Philippines can be stressful and awkward, but they can also be a lot of fun. Community is the cornerstone of the Filipino identity. Even though it can be difficult to understand or relate to your relatives living abroad, keeping an open heart and genuinely trying to enjoy yourself is the best way to survive one of these shindigs.
If all else fails, you can just go hide in the designated room with the rest of your cousins.
