Shame is a soul-eating emotion

Josel was a grade-three student in a special school for the gifted whose short-pants were pulled down by a teacher in front of his classmates for missing an assignment (!), a mother conveyed to an alter-ego kibitzer friend of mine a few decades ago.

This seemingly remote incident exemplifies a teacher lacking empathy towards his students. What educational concept was whirling around inside this teacher’s head to act the way he did at that moment?

Josel appeared diffident, although he also showed effeminate quirks, was a soft-spoken but intelligent ten-year-old who was known by teachers to be often publicly teased by classmates as ‘bakla’ (gay). Was this particular teacher attempting to teach Josel a “lesson”?

The teacher probably was applying – unbeknownst to him –his own version of “conversion therapy,” which was at the time not yet a buzzword even in clinical psychology, quipped my anti-conversion therapy advocate kibitzer friend.

Luckily the teacher never knew Dr. Eugen Steinach, a Viennese endocrinologist who “transplanted” testicular chemicals from straight men into gay men in attempts to change their sexual orientation. Like “conversion therapy,” it was eventually exposed as ineffective and often harmful.

This was indeed a psychoeducational milestone for Josel: he simply vanished from the special school for the gifted. This happened during a time, in a culture where retribution or demanding remorse for the teacher’s behavior was a joke.

The repercussion of this seemingly innocuous act by a bad teacher is apparently an invisible trauma roiling so much shame inside Josel’s psyche and perhaps beclouded his personhood for the rest of his life.

Glitch

Trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event; where immediately after, shock and denial are typical. Moreover, longer term reactions include unpredictable emotions, and even myriad physical symptoms like headaches or nausea, according to the American Psychological Association (APA).

APA however clarified that, while these feelings are normal, some people have difficulty moving on with their lives. Was the pants-dropping a “terrible” event for a ten-year-old boy, enabling him to move on with life without psychophysiological glitch?

Shame is a trauma-related emotion, which according to the APA is a highly unpleasant self- conscious emotion arising from the sense of there being something dishonorable, immodest, or indecorous in one’s own conduct or circumstances. Shame can have a profound effect on psychological adjustment and interpersonal relationships, added the APA.

Many studies consistently reveal a relationship between proneness to shame and a host of psychological symptoms, including depression, anxiety, eating disorders, subclinical sociopathy, and low self-esteem, so we are told.

Terrible

Josel’s academic performance was probably the initial omen for this “terrible” event.

The term “terrible” in the definition presented by the APA seems arbitrary and vague, quipped my neurotic-lexiconic kibitzer friend. Losing a single toy-marble among 100 for a kid can be “terrible,” yet not for another, added this kibitzer friend.

Drs. V. Felitti and R. Anda in 1995 somehow seem to have resolved this in coining Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES); “adverse” is almost the twin-sister “terrible,” quipped another lexiconic kibitzer friend. ACE encompasses the chronic, unpredictable, and stress-inducing events that some children face growing up, including enduring chronic humiliation that breeds shame.

Studies reveal that experiencing chronic, unpredictable stress like shame during childhood predisposes children to a constellation of chronic psychophysiological conditions in adulthood.

Detrimental

Contemporary studies, therefore, succinctly suggest that shame is detrimental to a youth’s psychophysiological health. Moreover, studies indicate that women and younger people are the most likely to struggle with this emotion; what more with a transitioning gender, quipped an LBTQ advocate kibitzer friend.

Other studies also indicate that constantly feeling shame or being constantly inundated with shame is a link to low self-esteem. This is the self-approximation that something is wrong inside oneself, quipped another kibitzer friend.

This is the fundamental reason shame is particularly difficult to overcome, “It causes people to feel as if they are flawed at their core,” wrote Dr. J. P. Tangney, a professor of psychology at George Mason University in her book, “Shame and Guilt: Emotions and Social Behavior.”

This means that “…with shame, you think, I am bad,” internally cueing one that having a tainted or imperfect or checkered character or constitution feels a lot harder to change, so it causes the individual to isolate and withdraw, paraphrasing the context of Dr. J. P. Tangney’s point. Was this the emotion Joel felt?

Culture

More than half a century ago, Drs. Guthrie, G. M. and Jacobs, P.J. wrote that shame or hiya sometimes develops from early childhood mainly through the subtle use of “biro” (teasing) by parents, siblings and other relatives to which children are subjected.

“One is teased about something about which one is known to be vulnerable, about which one is believed to be touchy,” again according to Drs. Guthrie and Jacobs. They added that shame develops from early childhood mainly through constant teasing by parents, siblings and other relatives.

How many of us are guilty of fondly calling a child “tabachuching” (fatso)? Or making seemingly harmless joke or remark like, “dude, you have ‘man boobs’” or “girl, you are as flat as a pancake,” addressed especially to adolescents with such “obvious issues.”

If only these youths can quantify the psychophysiological effects of these jokes or remarks with their wearable soon enough, conversion to psychosomatic symptoms might dissipate, quipped an Apple-wearable fanatic kibitzer friend.

Positive

Comparable with other traits, hiya or shame has positive effect, which helps maintain interpersonal relationships and keeps family honor, according to a Filipino psychologist Dr. M.S. Katigbak as early as 1966.

Studies show that Philippine society still upholds the value of “hiya” and  puts the most onerous burden on a female adolescents than on males, according to Dr. Cruz, G. T., et al.. A premarital pregnancy for instance, is more likely to bring shame or loss of face on the female’s family.

Nevertheless, contemporary studies also suggest that shame “play(s) a more positive adaptive function by regulating experiences of excessive and inappropriate interest and excitement and by diffusing potentially threatening social behavior,” according to APA.

Hiya makes people employ the greatest kindness and politeness, wrote another Filipino author Dr. Senden almost half a century ago. This probably is what APA meant by “… diffusing potentially threatening social behavior.”

Finally, Dr. Carl Gustav Jung founder of the psychoanalytic psychology truly aptly wrote: “Shame is a soul eating emotion.”

Dr. Aggie Carson-Arenas is a Certified Clinical Psychology Specialist, a former associate professor and university research director. He is a Behavior Analyst Specialist in Nevada, an educator, clinician, researcher, consultant, columnist, and a published author. Portions of this piece are excerpted from the book, “You’re Okay, I Am Perfect” (How Teens, Adolescents & Those In-Between Quest for Identity) authored by Dr. Carson-Arenas with her daughter Abbygale Williamson Arenas-de Leon.

*My apology to Dr. Carl Gustav Jung for using his words for the title.