Thank You, Trump Voters: Part II

NEW YORK CITY — In my last column, I expressed my profound gratitude to all the intrepid souls who cast their ballots in favor of the Donald.

Upon reflection, and prodded by some readers, I realized I had not indicated as fully as I could the full extent of my thank you. For that I apologize, and offer my most sincere mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

Herewith then a further list of what we owe to the forward-looking Las Trumpistas.

• They have reminded us of that eternal verity: Hope springs eternal, most recently exemplified by no small amount of joy, even giddy exhilaration, brought about by an increase in three (yes, 3) votes for the Donald as a result of the Wisconsin recount demanded by the Green Party. This unexpected windfall meant millions celebrating in Muddsville, Brownsville, and Palookaville at this monumental instance of democracy at work. Cutting down Hillary’s lead from 2.5 million votes in the popular count to 2,497,000 votes may seem trifling but the skeptics would do well to remember Mao Zedong’s famous declaration, that a march of 10,000 miles begins with a single step.

Ever onward and forward, good Christian soldiers!

• Installing the Donald in the White House is a much-needed vindication of family values. How encouraging and uplifting that the man with the golden hair is involving his children in ruining, I mean running, the country. A solid affirmation of yet another eternal verity: the family that preys together stays together! The Donald is a role model as a dad, so caring about the welfare of his offspring! Beautiful!

Why, this should make all citizens feel right at home who have roots in countries where the personal is always political, e.g., the Philippines, where relying on one’s clan for support is an age-old tradition—a surefire way of insuring that the victor can carry out his or her agenda without having to fear disloyalty within his or her inner circle and having to deal with the unceasing demands of the rest of the country. Let them eat reality TV!

• Who knew that Las Trumpistas would awaken the inner monarch in all of us? It’s about time this country had a king! If the United Kingdom has a monarch, and still functions as a democracy, well, why not the Kingdom of the United States of America? King Donald and Queen Melania has a rather nice royal, even fairy tale, ring to it.

As for that elector in Texas who said he would not vote for the Donald, as he wanted a president, not a king: Spoilsport! What a quaint notion, that a president should actually rule! Leave that to the Vice-President Elect Mike Pence. He will be as Dick Cheney was to George W. Bush.

• By voting in the Donald, Las Trumpistas have sharpened the public’s awareness of popular culture, and have surely made the cast and crew of Saturday Night Live beholden to them, particularly Alec Baldwin. By tweeting and retweeting his views of his doppelganger, the Donald has shown that no detail is too small, no subject too trivial, when it comes to what concerns the true-blue (and white) American.

For too long has your average citizen taken a back seat to such boring issues as energy conservation and climate change, to dealing with rogue states like North Korea. Yes, the Donald may have a (very) thin skin but that only means he can feel your pain!

• Finally, another and even bigger shout-out to my fellow Pinoys, hermanitos y hermanitas: They have taken on the role of canaries in the mine, willingly placing themselves in the frontlines of change, ready at any cost to be the first to bear the burdens should the social programs we benefit from be dismantled. Adversity after all shapes character. And I can tell that these brave compatriots of mine have character, tons of it. Incredibly brave souls, they should be honored by King Donald with something like the Order of the Yellow Canary. I do believe canaries tweet, and would thus be the perfect bird for Pinoy Trumpistas, and for that matter, all Trumpistas.

Copyright L.H. Francia 2016