Academic Validation: 5 Ways to Stop Seeking It
Growing up, we all loved the fulfilling feeling of acing our tests. The congratulations with pats on the back and sometimes even gifts. Over time, this feeling creates an emotional connection and a continuous need for this academic validation from teachers, friends, and family.
Students seek academic validation for various reasons. It could be a personal goal — to be the best graduating student, for example, or they plan to continue to college and have a blossoming career. It could also be constant pressure from their parents to meet a certain standard.
As a result, many teenagers have set their sights on straight A’s, and anything less is akin to failure. Ultimately, this puts an unnecessary burden on their shoulders which may negatively affect their academic performance and other aspects of their lives.
What is Academic Validation?
In simple terms, academic validation is when a student seeks someone else’s approval based on their academic performance. They feel good or have a sense of achievement when praised in school. These students allow their grades to hold much power over their sense of self.
It is a standard set by self-image and fueled by the knowledge that someone else might be doing better than you. This leads to students measuring their self-worth by how well they perform in school. Ultimately, it is not about self-improvement but how others see you. It is unhealthy, dangerous, and counterproductive.
Why Do I Crave Academic Validation?
Academic validation can begin at a very young age. During the developmental stage, self-worth and esteem can become associated with academic achievement. This happens when parents or teachers show more interest in a young child’s academic performance than in their mental growth.
This could lead to a child growing up with this mentality and constantly seeking external validation to feel accepted or loved. When a student is constantly praised for their academics, it is easy to become addicted to this cycle of gaining praise.
Sometimes, a craving for academic validation stems from a fear of failure or rejection. It usually arises from childhood experience; being invalidated and disapproved as a child can make one susceptible to being reliant on other people’s judgment.
Is Academic Validation Worth the Stress?
Academic validation may not be bad, as it has some advantages. The drive for perfection has made some students the best version of themselves. For some, it can boost a student’s resolve. The need for academic approval can give a student determination to put in more effort.
When it comes to academics, people are quite different. Some say academic validation pushes them to keep studying and working on assignments. It is the boost of reassurance that they look forward to. But what happens when this well of compliments and pats on the back run dry?
You begin to break down when you don’t achieve the straight A’s you hoped for. Additionally, you might tell yourself that you are not good enough, and your self-esteem is shattered. You might sink into depression and self-hate. This causes much stress, not just on your mental health, but on your general being.
The answer to the question, is it worth it? Most of the time, it isn’t. Students should understand that grades are just grades and not a direct representation of who they are or what they can achieve.
They should be proud of their effort and progress without needing to pressure themselves. It is often better to get a B in a class where you learn something than to get an A in a class where you didn’t gain any knowledge.
How To Stop Seeking Academic Validation
To stop seeking academic validation, you must first identify it. You need to determine if your need for validation is intrinsic or extrinsic. Intrinsic is when you are trying to excel for yourself, which is healthier. This usually involves constructive criticism of one’s performance without any self-derogatory thoughts.
If you’re seeking approval from others by trying to be perfect, that is extrinsic validation and toxic. Of course, we can’t eliminate the desire to be appreciated by others, especially our loved ones, but we can make sure that we don’t rely solely on their validation.
Trust Yourself
People who don’t trust their feelings tend to operate based on the judgment of others. The deep-rooted lack of trust in themselves might be the fear that they will make wrong choices and a lack of confidence in their capabilities.
Tune in to your thoughts and reassure yourself positively. When a tough situation arises, resist the urge to tell people and get their opinion; instead, try to process it and weigh your options and possible outcomes. Better still, begin to trust in yourself by listening to your thoughts and expressing yourself to boost your confidence.
Stop Comparing Yourself With Others
Sometimes we put unnecessary pressure on ourselves by trying too hard to be like others. We must understand that we are all unique in our strengths and weaknesses.
The person you are trying so hard to be like may not be perfect, and even if they do appear to be so, it may be a false impression. There is only one person you should be comparing yourself to — you. Your goals and progress are the things you should measure yourself against.
Be Aware of Your Actions
Every action has consequences. People who constantly seek out validation are not usually aware of these consequences or refuse to be responsible. So they turn to others to whom they can shift the blame if things eventually go wrong.
You should be able to contemplate and weigh outcomes before making decisions. Doing this constantly will vastly improve your decision-making and result in you not having to seek out people’s opinions and perspectives.
Practice Self-Love
Self-love means appreciating yourself through actions that promote physical, mental, and spiritual growth. It means caring primarily for your well-being and happiness. Furthermore, it means putting yourself first and not settling for less than you deserve.
Practicing self-love is crucial to ensure you don’t need anyone’s validation. To have a sense of self-worth, treat yourself as you would someone you love and care about by being patient, kind, and compassionate.
Don’t Measure Your Worth Off Academics
Right from when we were little, people repeatedly told many of us that if we got good grades, we would be successful, get a good job, have a family, and live happily ever after. This has affected many young people growing up, who believe their self-worth is directly proportional to their academics.
This is a toxic way of thinking and should be stopped. The best way to deal with this is to find a balance between academics and your personal life. Make time for other activities like yoga, sports, and other relieving hobbies to give you a sense of self. Remember, they are just grades, and they don’t define you.
Conclusion
It may be challenging to break out of the toxic mindset that academic validation induces. We must understand that we don’t need to pressure ourselves with unnecessarily high standards. We must focus on other essentials, such as mental, physical, and spiritual growth.
It is okay to be upset about low grades, but do not let yourself be consumed by them. Take time to reflect on your life, your shortcomings or failures, and how to grow from them. This is way more effective than seeking the opinions and judgment of others.
