Sotto’s alma mater hails Inquirer’s removal of Pepsi Paloma articles (satire)
WANBOL CAMPUS, Cubao — Tito Sotto’s alma mater hailed the decision of Inquirer.net to delete “The Rape of Pepsi Paloma”articles, calling the move “a bald defense of pressed freedom.”
Administrators and faculty of Wanbol University held a rally on the Cubao campus to celebrate Sotto’s stunning victory. Just a few weeks after he issued a stern demand, the Inquirer removed the said articles by U.S.-based lawyer Rodel Rodis from the Internet.
The Pepsi Paloma articles recall the rape of the young actress who was only 14 when she was sexually assaulted. Four years later, Paloma died. She reportedly killed herself.
“‘The Rape of Pepsi Paloma’ is all lies,” said Wanbol President Prof. Vic Ungasis. “And who cares about something that happened more than 30 years ago? Did that even happen? Does anyone remember that Pepsi Paloma? Was there even such a person?”
Wanbol Chancellor Prof. Josemari “Joey” Escalera echoed Ungasis’ sentiment, declaring, “That Pepsi Paloma thing is just in the imagination of these silly journalists. Whoever heard of a movie starlet naming herself after a soft drink.”
It was not the first time Wanbol officials and faculty came out in defense of Sotto, who is considered Wanbol’s most distinguished alumnus.
A few years ago, Sotto was repeatedly accused of plagiarizing the writings of other people, including the late Senator Robert Kennedy. Ungasis said the disputes were based on a misunderstanding. He said Sotto was a pioneer of a revolutionary scholarly approach called Dexterous Uninhibited Generously Accessible Scholarship, also known as D.U.G.A.S.
“Please remember, that we say it the French way so the ‘s’ is silent, just so there is no misunderstanding,” Ungasis said.
Sotto was also criticized for his comments on former Social Welfare Secretary Judy Taguiwalo who he said was “naano lang” because she raised her children as a single mother.
“Again, they are misunderstanding a brilliant intellectual and scholar,” Ungasis said. Sotto was being attacked, he said, for “offering an astute observation based on Senator Sotto’s deep and penetrating socio-gagological analysis of Philippine street language and culture.”
But Ungasis said the Inquirer’s decision to delete “The Rape of Pepsi Paloma” pieces signals a change in the way the nation views the powerful intellect and incredible integrity of “a great man named Tito Sotto.”
“It is so obvious that Tito Sotto is one of the greatest minds in Philippine history,” Ungasis declared.
However, Inquirer editors apparently are not united in the decision to erase “The Rape of Pepsi Paloma”articles from the Internet. After the Inquirer removed “The Rape of Pepsi Paloma” stories from the web, Inquirer.net editor and veteran journalist John Nery tweeted, “Like many others, I am deeply concerned and am first working through internal channels to reverse the takedown.”
“Ay naku, this Nery is wasting his time,” Ungasis said, laughing. “There will be no reversal. It’s a brave new Inquirer.”
“OMG, chong, if Eggy Apostol and Letty Magsanoc were still running that paper, ay naku, ‘The Rape of Pepsi Paloma’ will still be there,” Joey Escalera said.
“Trudat pards,” Ungasis said, laughing harder. “But they’re dead. Time to forget these people. Like that Pepsi Paloma, time to erase them also.”
“High five chong!” Escalera said, as he also started laughing. “All together now Professor Ungasis …”
And they started singing:
“Ahaha… Ahuu… Yeah Iskul Bukol…
“Ahaha… Ahuu… Yeah, Iskul Bukol…’
“Iskul, Iskul, Iskul Bukol…”
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