I ‘married black’

Happily married Larry and the author Maria Jackson. CONTRIBUTED

SILVER SPRING, Maryland — Imagine being sound asleep with your husband and suddenly the police come into your bedroom and arrest you simply because you are married to someone of a different race. That’s what happened in 1959 to the Loving couple — husband Richard, a white man, and wife Mildred, a black woman.

For centuries, U.S. states banned interracial marriages, until the June 12, 1967 historic Supreme Court decision. After they pleaded guilty, the Lovings were banned from living in Virginia. But they contested the law and the Supreme Court ruled in their favor, making interracial marriage legal in the country.

Since then marriages across ethnicities have increased steadily.

I am thankful for the Lovings’ courage and determination to prove that miscegenation is not a sin; that marrying into another race is not violating the laws of nature. They paved the way for every one of us who happen to fall in love with someone from another race.

‘We both love jazz’

I’ve been married to Larry Jackson, an African American, for more than 10 years. We met through a friend. We both love jazz music and football and would drive distances for a good country style fried chicken. We love to travel and go for a yearly drive to our Shenandoah mountain retreat.

We dated for over eight years, with no marriage in mind, until one day my granddaughter asked, “Lolo J, why do you live in another house?” An eye opener! We both realized then our moral obligation to our family. That, and the pressure from our old friends, letting us know they don’t plan on being at our wedding when we’re already on wheelchairs.

So, one morning, on my 54th birthday, he made me breakfast in bed, then asked me to marry him. Of course, I said yes.

On Saturday, August 7, 2010, we had a beautiful garden ceremony at our own backyard, officiated by his own brother, Dr. Rev. Marshall Moore (now deceased). His son, Tarik, (from a previous marriage) was his best man. My sister Josie was Matron of Honor, my daughters were bridesmaids, and granddaughters Abigail, Gwen, Samantha and Cassandra were flower girls. Jed, my one and only grandson, was ring bearer.

Larry is a military veteran. He Joined the US Army in 1966 and was an expert marksman.  He attended Baltimore Community College, but in 1971, an attractive offer at Verizon (then AT&T)) was more enticing than a college degree. He served as Central Office Technician and computer tech support, until his retirement in 2003. He was a single parent and raised his only son, Tarik, on his own. He always tells anyone who listens, that being a father is his greatest achievement. His struggles as a black man all his life made him the person he is now. He is a man full of wisdom, a true friend, and a no-nonsense kind of guy. That is why, 11 years ago, I said “YES!”

Maria and Larry Jackson at their 2010 wedding. CONTRIBUTED

Being married to an African American has its challenges. Filipinos have their own internal or preconceived ideas of intermarriage. Fact is, even within the Filipino community, we also have our racist tendencies. I remember growing up, people would say “Oh, he/she is mestizo” (meaning, one of a Spanish blood), or, “Oh he/she is negrito ” (meaning, one is of native blood.) When one dates an American, friends or relatives would ask whether he is “white” or “black.” Then there is this excuse line, “Oh, he does not really look so black,” or “he is a mulatto” hoping, I guess, that any shade lighter would make a difference.  I always respond by saying that what matters is not the skin color but the human being inside.

After a while, I stopped responding.  It makes me sad. What happened to “Love Thy Neighbor?” Don’t we all have the same aspirations, regardless of the color of our skin?

“Marrying black” should not be seen as,” you could have done better” or “she just wants her green card.”  As immigrants, we have a responsibility to learn American history, understand the struggles of the black people for freedom and equality. We are actually benefiting from the civil rights movement, which African Americans led.

To assimilate successfully in our adopted country, we should strive to have a deeper understanding of race in America.  There is racism within the Filipino community itself. Many still think that “marrying White” brings higher status than “marrying black.”

I cannot speak for everyone, but my African American husband is my perfect partner. He is open-minded, generous, caring and knowledgeable about the Filipino culture and history. It takes mutual respect for each other’s personality beliefs, culture and tradition for an interracial marriage to work.

Our union is complete. He is loved by my children and adored by my grandchildren. He loves interacting with the Filipino community. He loves adobo, pansit and pandesal. He of course cannot bring himself to eat “dinuguan.” I love fried chicken, greens, ham hocks, and barbecue.  Larry, his best man, son Tarik, and his groomsmen, proudly wore “barongs” at our wedding. He loves wearing barongs at public events.  His family is mine too. I do not see color when I hug them, or eat with them. I see their eyes, warm, caring and respectful.  We get along extremely well. We respect each other’s space. We educate each other.

We see so many successful interracial marriages. We see disastrous ones too. I would conclude that the success depends on how we treat each other as human beings. Our hearts choose who we love. If we see past the color, the race, the ethnicity and any physical deformities or differences, the world will be a peaceful and happy place.

Isn’t that what we aspire for?

Maria, 64, and Larry, 72, live in Silver Spring, Maryland. They are grandparents to six children.